Steve Goldman Associates
Business Continuity, Crisis Management, Crisis Communications, Disaster Recovery 

IT Jokes

Here are a few IT jokes that I hope you find humorous. And I do trust that all who read these understand that this humor is a high form of praise (. . . or something like that!)

Feel free to send me your IT, DRP, or BCP jokes or stories for possible inclusion here.
Check back for updates!

What's the definition of an IT professional?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good IT professional?

Someone who has a software patch named after him.

When does a person decide to become an IT professional?

When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What does an IT professional use for birth control?

His personality.

What's an extroverted IT professional?

One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.

What's an IT auditor?

Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the IT auditor cross the road?

Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Comprehending IT professionals - Take One
Two IT students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT student replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, "Take what you want.", so I took the bike.

The first IT student nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit."

Comprehending IT professionals - Take Two

An architect, an artist and an IT professional were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The IT professional said, "I like both." "Both?" The IT professional replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

Comprehending IT professionals - Take Three

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending IT professionals - Take Four
A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two"? The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an IT professional. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?" The IT professional got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

Comprehending IT professionals - Take Five

An IT professional was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The IT professional took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,   I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the IT professional took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The IT professional said, "Look I'm an IT professional. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Comprehending IT professionals - Take Five (Thanks John S)
Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start.
The Mechanical Engineer says: "It's a broken starter"
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery"
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline"
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in"
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